I am  a chick in the Dog House right now at the school where I teach art, one of my 3 jobs. Now, I’ve been in “Dog time-out” and the “Doggy grass area” but today I am officially in the Dog “House”. As in I don’t even want to sit in the Dog grassy area cause someone might see me. I’d rather be in the Dog House where I can hide from view.

You see today I was very kindly and respectfully told the following:

1.) The word “fornication” is a little too much to use with 8 year olds.

2.) When disciplining a kid it isn’t right to make them feel better by saying, “Just don’t let me catch you smoking a cigarette or throwing down a 40″

3.) We love what you did with your staff T-shirt, but that isn’t what were going for.

4.) Do you have any questions?

My reply. Stick my hands in my hoodie pockets and shake my head, “nope” and “I’m sorry” and walk out of the office. Yikes! I felt nauseous. If someone was eavesdropping on that conversation they would think I was some hoochie raised in the dirty south.(For your 411 I am neither ) and for the record this is the shirt I was wearing and I don’t see a midrift, but i get it, too much skin.

Anyways, I know I am very outgoing, outspoken and creative individual. These attributes are why they hired me in the first place. I’m confident that who I am is a well rounded individual and a good influence on my students, but even good people can cross the line sometimes and others a little more frequently. Obviously I am teetering on the frequently side.

This game of teeter totter has brought me to a very difficult question I need to ask myself. “When does it stop being acceptable to be an Obnoxious girl and necessary to be a Classy Woman?” I mean I’m gonna be 27 in less than a month and though my flamboyant and boisterous personality has served me well between the ages of 13 and 26 it seems as if it might not fly in 27 territory.

I don’t tread on this subject with much ease. I actually almost didn’t even blog about it here because it is something that is a sensitive subject for me. And (dare I say) “Becoming a woman” doesn’t seem to be a happy subject among teens or 20 somethings either. As my adorable sponsee said the other night. “Ewwww! I consider the word woman a cuss word. It’s gross. It involves panty hose and girdles and ewww! I’d rather be called an ‘adult’ over a woman any day” And I can’t say I haven’t thought the same things.

Over the past few years I have resisted any resemblance to woman hood. Whether it be painting my room hot pink and not a mauve pink because I want to have a color that reminds me of youth and in your face or going out, partying and dressing to be seen. The funny thing is I discovered that the hot pink color in my room wasn’t too feng shui with my energy and I had a hard time sleeping in my room or getting any writing done for that matter. Partying left me tired, late for work and depressed. In my own time I have discovered that what I cling to isn’t necessarily what I need or even want.

So how does paint and partying have anything to do with my language at work. Well, I guess it kind of has to do with the fact that I’m going to be trying to actually think before I speak. I reckon many friends and family will disagree and say, “You’re fine just the way you are. Screw them!” But I think if I was really true to myself (which I think is what people like about my non-filtered mouth) I would take the hint from the universe to evolve into the better me. The “woman” me.

 Theres a really beautiful part of the bible that I have always loved, it’s Proverbs 31. It gives reference to the kind of woman a man should marry. Isn’t it funny that even in biblical times people got married and had kids at age 13, but still they referred to them as a “women”. I think its because being a woman isn’t necessarily about your age. It’s about your state of mind. I want to have the state of mind of someone with integrity, kindness, tact and class. I want to be a good woman.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and upon her tongue is the law of kindness.  – Proverbs 21:26

Some very interesting comments for Gold Diggers can be found here….

http://www.hegnar.no/nyhetsoversikt/article231162.ece

made me laugh.

xoxo,

HonestChitChat

Hey ya’ll!

If you’re one of those really awesome people who consistenly read my blog and feel like I dropped you like a fruit cake on Christmas Eve then I apologize profusely! The thing is I have been really busy with some uber fantastic projects. For instance:

1.) I am going to India in December! Yeah! You can read more about that here: http://www.intlprincess.org/

2.) I am starting a non-profit for eating disorders. Crazy! I know and I’ll put a link up soon.

3.) I got a promotion at the rehab I work at and I’ve been blogging for them. You can read the posts here: http://eatingdisorderrecovery.wordpress.com/

4.) And if you just miss me and want to see my silly face living my funny life you can check out my personal blog here:

http://princessninispice.wordpress.com/

I hope to come back and start blogging consistently, but I think I’m on “Holiday” at least until 2010. Love you guys! Chit Chat soon

xoxo,

HonestChitChat

Have you ever played with kids? If you have, I wonder if you’ve gotten the same feeling I get, that they are a glimpse of what the world “should” be like. Have you ever noticed the candor and bluntness that goes with kids? Once when I was helping my 4 year old niece Delaney get into her pajamas I offered her a new pair of underwear from her Snoopy suitcase. She declined stating, “No thanks, I don’t wear underwear to bed. No one in my family does.” I rolled on the floor laughing as I thought how embarrassed my sister would be if she heard her say that. She just gave me raised eyebrows that said, “Crazy Aunt Nini.” I just love that kids have absolutely no fear about airing the family laundry (or lack there of) they are absolutely free to be themselves.

 But, why should they be afraid? For all they know there will always be a brown sack lunch to accompany them to school. There will always be a car to retrieve them from soccer practice. There will always be an aunt or an uncle to tuck them into bed when mommy and daddy are on a weekend trip in Palm Springs. If they are safe they have no reason to hold back. They have no bargaining to do. Life is perfect…Isn’t it?

 We all eventually learn that life is NOT perfect.. I learned that at 8, when my “sack lunch” existence disappeared. My parents divorced, my dad had a mental break down and threw himself in front of a garbage truck. We left the only home I ever knew to a small apartment. Sack lunches were replaced with the phrase “borrow money from someone” the nice town car was replaced with a clunker that had to be jumped in the morning and overheated on the freeway. The aunts and uncles who tucked me into bed now the alcoholics and addicts that made periodic visits to our couch. This is when I learned the word, “Mine!”

 When Delaney once came back from a trip to Indiana with a new word, “Mine!” Everything from her toys, to her juice box she proclaimed like a blue bird hailing the sunrise, this is “Mine!”  My sister told me that while on the trip Delaney cousins taught her the word. As an only child she never heard it, but being around other kids she learned she had to claim what was hers. Delaney learned if you don’t keep an eye on your Barbies and Leggo’s someones going to take em’ and when they don’t give them back  you have to fight them back by saying, “Mine.”

 But, sometimes even when we ask nicely we still don’t get our toys back. I think this is one of the most difficult things about the human experience. The troubling fact that I can share, be nice and polite and you will still take my toys from me. That equation never has worked out for me as a kid or as a woman. This may sound a bit morbid to you, but as a woman who is excited to build a home and a family, I have this deep fear of finding the love of my life and then losing him. Or having children and then having something tragic happen to them. I guess I just can’t fathom waiting so long for the right guy, working so hard to be a healthy mom and then losing a kid. I see it happen all the time on the news and it doesn’t make sense to me. I feel like telling God, “I’m a good girl, don’t take my toys away from me. That’s not playing fair! That’s mine!”

 I got to thinking about this concept of “Mine” after seeing The Time Travelers Wife tonight. At first I didn’t want to see it. I thought, “How am I supposed to relate to a freakin’ time traveling story?” But, I did in so many ways.  The plot is a woman who is in love with a time traveler. They deeply love each other, but he is gone half the time because he can’t control when he travels. It just “happens.” She’s left alone on Christmas, New Years and spends so much time just waiting for the person she loves the most to just return to her presence. It was actually a very painful movie to watch. Seeing how much joy they had together and the anguish they endured each time they were apart. It killed me to see my worst fear reenacted repeatedly.

 By the time my face was sopping with tears a key line came from the wife. Her husband knows he is going to leave her and her young daughter for the LAST TIME. He apologizes to her and even after all the pain, strife and hardness she says, “I wouldn’t change a moment of our life together.”

 It may sound like a corny little chick flick line to you, but its quite profound to me. Growing up I constantly tried to cling on to some form of stability in my life. I begged to live in the same home for 6 months. That we would have running car for just 3 months. That I could expect when to see my dad come to school dressed like a homeless man. I just wanted to be warned. If I couldn’t have what was mine, I at least wanted to know what to expect from life. The funny thing I have learned is NOTHING is CONSISTENT.

 Considering where I came from I live a pretty remarkable life. Even though I have lived in 25 different homes in 26 years of life, even though I attended 4 different colleges to get a Bachelors Degree, even though I have battled addiction and an eating disorder I now live a pretty mellow life. Do I dare say a consistent life? I do. I’ve lived in almost the same house for a year and half, have driven the same car for 4 years, I have friends that I could count on to break me out of prison if need be and most importantly I have faith that keeps me pretty sturdy. As hard as it would be to go back to my childhood, to go back to a life of chaos and disorder I’m not sure I would be as distraught knowing what I know now. Knowing that life ebbs and flows the way it ought to. That sometimes I have to give up the precious things that are mine and make me comfortable in order to receive something grander and bigger than I could have imagined. Sometmes I’m wrong about what I think is mine and what I’m entitled too. And sometimes being wrong is the most comforting thing I could have never asked for.

 Xoxo to ya’all,

 HonestChitChat

Don’t know if you’ve caught on yet, but I’m far from perfect.  Shocking, I know. But, of all of my defects like….startling small children for laughs, eating more than the allocated “sample” at Trader Joes and calling it lunch, the lustful thoughts that occur in church and the sporadic facebook stalking…I think the worst one is being jealous. Ulghh! I said it out loud. I hate being jealous! When I get jealous I get that pit in my stomach. The one that feels the size of a plum and feels like it is growing branches that are poking at my face to roll my eyes and scrunch my brows in disdain. I hate feeling less than, small and inadequate, but how do I stop? I see something that you have that I don’t have, I want it and therefore I am jealous. End of story. But, can I really control this? Well, yeah, I actually did today for the first time.

I was journaling on my lunch break, (cause I’m freakin’ cool like that) and I wrote down everything I was jealous about….

“I’m jealous Mr.39 just told me he is going to Hawaii with his girlfriend.”

“I’m jealous that Polly looks really cute in that skirt.”

“I’m jealous that other people are more spiritual than me. Jerks!”

“I’m jealous that Mark comes up with bangin’ Art Lessons and steals my thunder.”

“I’m jealous that other people don’t have a f’d up eating disorder in their head and I do.”

So after writing all this out I get a friendly visit from my buddy, “G” the artist formerly known as “G-O-D”. And homeboy tells me….

“Sweet, adorable, beautiful, talented, sassy HonestChitChat… What do you miss out on when you are jealous of Mr. 39 and his relationship with his lady friend? “

Me: “Hmmm…..I dunno, maybe I miss out on the relationships I have right now?

G:  “Uh huh…and?”

Me: “…. and I miss out on the good memories I have of my trip to Hawaii I took with my ex-boyfriend.”

G: “Hmmm….interesting and what do you miss out on when you get all jealous of the way Polly looks in her skirt?”

Me: “I miss out on appreciating how cute I look in my shorts?”

G: “Uh huh and what do you miss out on when you are jealous of how much more spiritual others are than you?”

Me: “I miss out on reflecting how much I have grown in my faith and how amazing my life is with the spirituality I do have.”

G:”What do you miss out on when you get jealous of Marks’ bangin Art Lessons.”

Me: “I don’t get to appreciate the amazing art lessons I have created and taught myself.

G:  “What do you miss out on when you get jaalous of people who don’t’ have f’d up eating disorders?”

Me: “Did you just say f’d up?”

G: “Yes, homie I did.”

Me: “Just checkin….yeah so I don’t get to look at the strength, wisdom and character I have built from having this disease.”

G: “Girl, you’re so stinkin’ cute. I love you homie!”

Yeah, jealousy sucks, but it serves a purpose. It’s purpose is to remind us to be grateful for what we do have and even for what we did have. It reminds us  to drink the glass that is half full, before it is empty.

Night peeps, I’m bloody tired. Jealousy is exhausting!

HonestChitChat

Some people are saying HOT! As in 818 + comments HOT! This picture in Glamour Magazine of 20 year old Lizzie Miller, a very curvy and very “skinny dippin’ ready” model created a tidal wave of approval from female readers. (See the 818 comments here) From the young 13 year old girl who is a size 6 to the mother of two who has stretch marks, this picture somehow liberates them. They say that they feel “validated” and “accepted” and they even say that, “magazines have it all wrong…if I saw more models who looked like me I would have the confidence to buy the clothes they advertise.”

20 year old, Lizzie Miller

I find these comments quite interesting. I’m not sure if it is common knowledge to the avid magazine reader, but I’ll give you the insider scoop (since I did an internship at a magazine in Los Angeles. That is until they made me file in a back room with no one to chit chat with. Cruel and unusual punishment is not my idea of  “on the job experience” ) Anyway, so magazines have a marketing and advertising plan towards women that promotes women to “aspire” to their “optimum” self by viewing the images and purchasing the products seen in the magazine (A.K.A. giving woman a impossibly high standard of beauty that will have them spending $250 at the MAC counter trying to make themselves look like their “optimum self.” And when they don’t attain said beauty, they feel like crap and cover their feelings with the Twinkies they saw advertised on page 109.)  This is the format that has been used to market to women. But according to these 818 + women they would like to see something other than a unattainable image. They would like to see something more like ….themselves.

Now is this hot or not? Lets pose a question: “What if not all, but just half the models in the magazines were a size 12 or 14? Like what if you opened up Vogue and saw a ad for Dolce and Gabanna and it featured a size 12 chick sprawled out on fur with the dramatic makeup they’re known for holding a purse. Would you dig it? Would you still purchase the brand? Is acceptance, real body sizes and authentic photographs HOT? Or are you stickin’ to the classic stick thin model? No judment. Just your answer please.

Honestly, I think that if I saw half of the models in Vogue as size 12 to 14 I would be a tad shocked. At first I’d be like, “Whats going on here?” I don’t read Vogue religiously or anything, but I do think that my eyes would take some adjusting to the new images, but  like the human species I am apart of I would ADJUST. If I saw it in a magazine repeatedly, on billboards, on TV I would eventually get used to it and still purchase items from the companies I like. I think I would actually be more likely to purchase items from a company that is promoting a good cause, like TOM’S shoes or To Write Love on Her Arms. If there was a company that openly featured all kinds of women in their advertising I think I would dig it because it meant they stood for something more than fashion, they stood for acceptance and love and at the end of the day, thats what all women and men are really looking for and why they purchase those clothes in the first place.

But, thats my opinion. Whats yours? Would you still purchase clothes from your favorite brand even if they featured full figured women and men in their ads? Would it change the brand for you? Be honest…it won’t kill you. (After all, I’m still here.)

I got an awesome Facebook message from an old friend the other day, I considered it “Blog worthy” check it out:

Hey… I have a favor to ask you.
I’m going nuts trying to decide on a birthday gift for my boyfriend of 2 months (His birthday is Oct 2) and I can’t come up with anything good. The reason I’m asking you is because you are very creative and thoughtful. For some reason, I thought of you right away… I just remembered that you always had super cute ideas and your blog is always very creative.
I want a gift that if someone asked him 40 years from now what was the best gift he’s ever gotten, he’ll say this gift.
Let me know if you need some info.
-H
ps- miss you. Let’s get together when I come to Cali.

Alrighty then…lets just scope out the playing field here. I the “coach” have known this “player” H., for quite a few years now. As a friend who (as she says) is “very creative and thoughtful”  We all know that I am very capable individual when it come to the  field of “suggesting awesome gifts for guys” .

BUT! I also know a good coach doesn’t just write winning plays and tell the closest dudes within earshot to get on the field…no, of course not. You choose who to play at different times based on their individual skills and background. (AKA I’m not just going to tell her what to buy him and send her on her merry way.)

Now as the said Coach in this situation I know a few critical game altering things about player H and the stadium she’s playing in…

#1 ) She has been on the dating field for 2 months.

 #2 .) She wants him to remember this gift in 40 years as the best gift he’s ever gotten.

As the Coach of this game, the lineup or gift I would suggest from the playbook would be…NONE AT ALL…I mean yeah, still get him something he’d like, but don’t sweat it trying to find him a gift that he’ll remember in 40 years…. and I’ll tell you why. Because from the evidence shown my friend H doesn’t want to just give a gift for the sake of “giving a gift”, she wants something very valuable in return. Which is approval and love and when you’re asking for some of that it can be a very sticky exchange. She wants her boyfriend to love the gift so much that in turn he maybe, might, kinda sort of…love her back? Uh huh…. Now, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she loves him, maybe even after 2 months he loves her and maybe all she wants is for him to love the gift that she gives without any reciprocation of love and approval. That is a totally valid argument. But, I’m gonna have to call it null and void…why? Because I am a woman and I know how we operate. We find so much of worth in giving to people, serving, lending, helping, listening our M-O is I’ll scratch your back if you’ll LOVE ME.

I think that’s what Miss.H is looking for especially when she says, “something he’ll remember in 40 years as the best gift he’s ever gotten.” So what is my thoughtful and creative gift advice? It’s…sugar you Can’t but me love!

 Because at the end of his birthday night once you’ve given him either:

A.) 50 balloons filled with 50 things you love about him and made him pop each one and read them.

B.) A pink donut box filled with mixed CD’s of his favorite bands/singers with labels that make the CD’s look like real donuts

C.) A “Survival Kit for the office” decked out with a picture of the two of you for his desk,  Asprin, a red bull, a cigar, some small bottles of high end hard liquor,  and change for the vending machine

D.) Front seat tickets to see the Lakers

E.) A day trip to go wine tasting and hot air ballooning

Even after ALL that you still won’t have his love. I believe acts of love and kindness can foster love. Maybe this 2 month birthday gift can be a building block for love, but even if he remembers the gift it won’t be the winning play. Maybe some people fall in love when the right gifts are given, the right words are said and the mood lighting in the room is just right, but I would like us all to ponder the question of “Why do we want someone else to love us?” Is it for the sincere reason that we genuinely want to give love to them or is it because we just want a whole lot of lovin’ in return?

I don’t believe teams win games because each player knows all the right moves, has the best coach and the highest quality facilities, from what I know the team that wins is the team of people that play from the core of their soul. They are in sink with the game and all of the players. They win because their bodies anticipate the ball and they shine doing what they do best. In dating terms that means being authentic. Even if that means looking like a fool and letting Mr. 2 months not like you because all you did was make him dinner for his birthday. It means doing the first thing that pops into your head and rolling with it.

As the Beatles once sang, “You can’t buy me love.” It is one of the most poignant statements of our century. With all the wealth, prestige, celebrity and success that the world offers none of it can purchase true love and that is why it’s so precious.

Hope you like my answer Miss.H!

Xoxo,

HonestChitChat

(Cause “Quote of the Week” is to clique for HonestChitChat) so I’m in yoga doing Triangle Pose with sweat and burning mascara dripping into my eyes (thats what I get for missing the 9 am class)  when my Yoga instructor Sara says to move into ”uga-wash-a-na-na” (I’m an avid Yogi) She basically wants us to do this pretzel thing with our legs and arms and then move out of it to balance on one leg and do a standing split without using our hands to touch the floor or balance. Uh..huh… so as I am not sending good prana waves her way for making me look like an @$$ in front of the hot guy with the badana on. Then she says the quote that gently brought me back down to Namaste, she said

“Don’t worry about falling. The worse thing that can happen is you get up and try again.”

Her words were like the little girl in a “Wonderful Life” saying “Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings.” Her words reminded me that I am going to be okay. That if no one likes my writing,  if no Editor in New York will pubish my book and I stay stagnant with the 300 a day or so hits on blog forever then…. thats just fine. Because the worst thing that can happen if I fall on my face at this writing gig is that I just “get up and try again” …and that is why I pay good money to “stretch and sweat”  in a room full of hot men with badanas Have a good Wednesday peeps!

xo,

HonestChitChat

Howdy partners! So I just gotta say that I am uber overwhelmed by the response to my book review on Why Men Love Bitches. If you view the link you’ll find over 20 comments of women who have been the “nice girl” in a relationship and got treated like cow dung for it. Women have moved states, changed jobs, purchased killer baseball tickets, cooked dinners and “put out” all to be treated worse than most street puppies in Mexico. And I hate to say it, but it has simply been the results of these women just being “Too nice” to their undeserving male counterpart.

This ruckus has just gotta stop! And as the sexy sheriff of Http://honestchitchat.wordpress.com  I say the tune of the town starts to sing a different melody NOW!  My thoughts are that us women need to saddle up and drive those baboons away from our territory (of time, commitment and compassion) And instead start with a clean slate of land. And who will be gainfully employing in this land you may ask?”  I reckon it be the studly,  “MANLY” , confident, courteous, line dancing cowboy.

When you look for a guy you should in essence be looking for a “Cowboy” And to keep that cowboy you need to have to really, really LOVE YOURSELF and not put up with any cow dung! Everyone likes to go “boot knockin” but if you’re doing it with a baboon and not a cowboy that will not reciprocate your kindness you’ll end up with a  lot more heart ache and pain than you really bargained for.

So how can you verify if you are dating a cowboy? Ask yourself the following questions? Does he…

A.)  Pony up and ride on over to your barn to hang out?

*Because if he is really diggin’ you he will want his precious lass to be safe and sound in her home in the dark hours of the night. Not driving in the pitch dark through an apartment complex in South L.A.

B.)  Does he act like tossing cow chips is the funnest thing in the world when he’s with you?

*A cowboy could care less if he’s throwing cow chips or raking hay in the barn. Just as long as he’s with “his girl.” So MANY women commented that their dudes would rather watch TV/Play video games/ hang with boys than hang out with them. And they stayed in these relationships for 7 years!!!! If you’re guy is a real “Cowboy” he will enjoy being with you no matter what. And if he’s more attracted to Mario and Luigi than you than he probably has more issues than just social ineptness.

C.)  When you are hurt does he get you band aid?

*A cowboy doesn’t like seeing his woman in pain and will protect her at any cost. If she’s hurt by his actions he’ll apologize. If there is a communication mishap he’ll clear the air. He WILL NOT tell her she’s a crazy B-otch.

D.)  Is he a fun guy who takes you line dancing?

*Cowboys love to show off their gals! They take them line dancing. To picnics on the farm and teach them how to drive the family tractor. Their always proud to have them around. A jerk doesn’t hang with his girl on a regular basis. He doesn’t take her out. He never pays and he only sees her when its convenient for himself.

E.)   Open doors like a Southerner?

*A cowboy will open your door to the car. Make dates in advance. Walk you to your door. Tell you “You look beautiful tonight” and offer you their jacket. You need to find a man that will treat the way you DESERVE to be treated.

And alas, I find that for all of us women knowing how we “Deserve to be treated” seems to be the foundation upon which all relationships stand. As heartbreaking as it was to read the comments of so many women who had been hurt by men for so many years, I knew that it was only 50% of the mans fault the other 50% lay with the woman for not communicating to the man how she deserved to be treated.

When I set up a relationship with someone I show them how I treat myself and if they don’t comply then they will WANT to leave. Which has happened. But, the truth is I am blessed that there are men who don’t like me. Cause the truth of the matter is I don’t want to be with a guy who wants me driving to his house all the time which is 40 minutes away. I don’t want a guy who makes sexist remarks about women. I don’t want a guy who can only hang out with me past midnight. I don’t want a guy who asks me to pick up a six pack on the way to his house. And I don’t want a guy who doesn’t call me every couple of days. I believe I deserve to be treated better than that. The men and women in my life know that and my result is I have the most amazing friends in the world, they are people who care about themselves and the people around them.

Having said that I challenge all of you beautiful, smart, talented and courageous women to first and foremost learn to love yourself, to stand by your beliefs of the way you deserve to be treated and THEN go lasso you a fine cowboy!

Yee haaa!

Have a great week! I’ll post again this Friday!

HonestChitChat

P.S. My new posting schedule is Mondays and Fridays.

It was around this time of year 2 summers ago that I was offered the job as an Editorial Assistant at the LA Times…yes, you read me right I said it THE LA TIMES! For a writer that is one big-flammin’- habanera- chili -of a big deal. I remember being mesmerized during my tour of the Times building. Did you know that just like the different sections of the newspaper the building is segregated by the writers for each section? Yup!  There was the Business Sections, which was a bunch of grouchy old men in blue shirts and ties, with stacks of papers piling as high as the smoke from the bong they have probably never touched by the looks of the serious play by the rules scowls on their faces. There was the Sports section, decked out with toned men from 21 to 40  watching the 8 flat screen TV’s on the wall showing every important game going on in the world. As I passed by I ( no joke)  saw pop corn flying in the air as someone on the right team, made the right score at the right time. Classic! The Style section was so clique it made me smile. Stick thin girls, with freshly flat ironed hair, and run way duds, hovered around a large Mac as they grew sweat beads trying to decide whether or not to pick the picture of the model with bangs or without. But, I think the area that took the cake for me was of course the FOOD section. Did you know that the LA Times has a full blown professional kitchen just chillin’ in the middle of the office to try out new recipes? Its like “Hello Welcome to William Sanoma the LA Times Branch” WTF?

 I was blown away! The LA Times was so exciting. It was a little city of people within the city! It was the opportunity of a lifetime. I got so excited thinking about being apart of this environment and hanging out with such an eclectic group of people. I bargained with God that if hired I would never again be late for anything in my life and would talk about Jesus so much that they called me “Freaky JC Girl”  Anything to have THIS JOB!

Well eventually I was hired at the Times. And a week later I turned down the job. Why? Because my gut told me to. Trust me you’re not the only one who was baffled by my decision and my gut. EVERYONE was baffled…even my therapist said, “Are you sure you’re not going to take it? What are the feelings behind this.” It’s never a good feeling when someone wants to psycho-babble you out of decision. So what was that feeling I had about my dream job that I passed up? It was this powerful, nauseating,  gut feeling that as promising and exciting as the Editorial Assistant job looked the timing was all wrong for me to move to L.A. and accept the job. I had this feeling that if I was to take the job I wouldn’t be following the path God wants me on. That I would be doing what I wanted to do, what sounded fun and cool for the moment, but wouldn’t  benefit me in the long run. It wasn’t an epiphany. It was a hunch.

A hunch that followed me all the way to San Francisco. While I was brewing over whether or not to listen to my gut my sister and I were walking down Oak Street in San Fran on our way to Bikram Yoga. She told me, “You have to take it!  NO ONE turns down the Times! Don’t be stupid!” I grew anxious with how loud the voices were on the outside of me vs. the loud voices on the inside of me. Just then right there in the middle of the sidewalk was a laminated card. It was a stick figure cupping his hand in order to hear better and the big black words above the image said, “LISTEN.” I stopped and picked it up. I told my sister, “This is a sign. I need to listen to my gut and not take the job.” She said, “This is not a sign. This is someone’s lost belongings you crack head!” My sister isn’t very spiritual, but she makes up for it in sarcasm.

Well the moral of the story is I trusted my gut and didn’t take the job at the LA Times. I still live in Orange County, work 3 very fulfilling jobs that I love, live in the most perfect living situation, am surrounded by the strongest women on earth and live 5 minutes form the beach.  Two years later I can completely see how right I was to trust myself and not take the job.

There are still times I don’t trust my gut. Like a couple months ago when I was making plans to hang out with a guy I just met. He wanted to hang out at midnight and asked me to bring some beer with me. I hung out with him (sans beer) and lets just say one of the most memorable calls of my life has been getting a call from him the morning he got out of JAIL!!!! Yeah, I wish I would have trusted my gut on that one. I’m young, I make mistakes, but I think the biggest mistakes I make come from not trusting myself. Not trusting my own instincts and feelings. Straight up…I’m a weird girl….in the sense that I don’t do things or live my life the way a lot of 20 something’s my age do. It’s easy to become confused and listen to other peoples opinions of the way life should be lived, but its far more satisfying to live authentically. Trust your gut guys. Its so worth it!

Xoxo,

HonestChitChat